I let you go

I kept on wondering where did I go wrong. I know I am not clean I also have my lapses. I have done things that made you mad at me. And despite of everything that our relationship wasnt going on that well.

I think of now that we are not compatible. I already knew from the very beginning but it was happened that I decided to love and commit to you and once I made a decision it was fix and it cannot be dismantled.

But on what happened on the two of us we became strangers now and it was sad to think that you cannot make friends with me. So I wont insist myself to you anymore my friendship. I am processed through a recovery by the help of my friends and of course with the divine interventions.

I've learned a lot from our relationship and I thank you for that. I already accepted the fact that we are just passer by in to our lives. I am my way of peace now and fully be healed. I am willing to love again of course that is guided by God and willing to love another man for love is always in me. I live to love and be loved.

I can forgive myself now for loving someone like you. I can forgive myself now for degrading myself for you. I forgive myself now for doing things that makes myself at stake. Therefore I forgive you with your words and actions intentional or unintentional I forgive you. May we be peaceful and filled with loving kindness. I am my way of peace...

Goodbye!

I’ve been thinking of what’s the problem of me towards our relationship. I understand you already, and I find myself listing these things so I made a list of where did I go wrong.

I now realized that it’s hard for you to see me that I’m closing my world and box myself only for you and even I forget my friends and family.

I didn’t trust you in some part. But I tell I did trust your heart and you as a whole of loving me.

I can easily give my trust on you now as I have my faith in God.

My stubbornness makes you feel irritable.

My clinginess makes you feel suffocated.

You don’t want to text while you are with your friends because you are having a great time with them as an extension of yourself. I just realized just now that you want to have time with yourself , same here.

You do not want me to text you all the time. My apology If I always seek attention by having the initiative that man should do for woman to know the whereabouts as we do have commitment for each other as communication is very much important in the relationship. As you want to win me while you were just courting me. I just want those to continue but I can now understand you now for not texting because you are not used to do it.

Those bad words you hate about. I can tame my tongue of course im not used to it. I know myself.

You want to go out with friends and wid yourself alone , I realize I am too.

I ve been selfish I admit it. I can now know my limitations.

You want to have time for yourself to grow. Same here I also understand it.

I questioned your truthfulness oftentimes but tell you I really appreciate your sincerity which is your best quality.

Sorry if I kept on asking you things. Like investigating I just want to communicate without minding my way of questioning. I love to talk and text. But now I understand that you hate texting.

I know you do not want a text minute by minute I understand it now. If I am asking if what you are doing sorry I am expecting that you must do it for me I was just making the initiative. I should pull out this expectation.

I understand now that you only want to see each other in every week ends. I now understand it. I know how to work for it. But needs communication sometimes because I will miss you.

I understand that you only need is understanding. I can now understand that dili ka maktext.

I should have put in my mind to understand that I should love myself first before loving you. Trust myself and others.

I understand that you often times mis interpret the facial reaction of my family members but I assure you , they are not mad at you instead they like you a lot for being so kind and generous.

I am wondering if you are thinking if what are my family thinking about you. They didn’t knew it. Except my cuzins. They always support my decision in loving you of my own ways. They are also supportive on whatever decision you have for me.

I understand that your patience mahurot pud. I know naa pud koy attitude labaw na kung ting period na that sometimes you never understands that na mag bago2x ug isip.. naa koy inconsistency I decide and change the decision.. this is biological and hard to control but I can now make myself better to control it.

I understand you get angry regarding my investigative cues regarding your family. Sorry and I mean it I am willing to suffer for it.

I understand that I should review on myself to not be jealous always. And you understand that sometimes I need you to remind me of that.

I admit natuok ka sa akoa.. I can make it better if you will help me on it pero you break up wid me wala nako ma himu…

I've met our old friends nagsabay sila last march 8 its my freewill and pls don’t think na gigamit lang nako sila those people were important and part of me also. Wala taka gtabunan sa ilaha. I just making myself refresh with them as I miss them and myself.

I cant do nothing to get you back but rather I should work on myself hard to become a better person and be recovered..

tama past is past I should move on thanks for reading this nakatabang ni xa sa ako to brought it up... ang nasa thoughts na wala kayo nako na figure out ang issues . My emotions clouded my mind. I feel sorry for myself about it.

I understand that communication is very important for me... Compromise to each other but we have different understanding , interpretation and direction. Thus, we're not compatible, we're not meant  for each other and you are more so far on my ideals or ideal man to be with in my life and God do really have good reasons and purpose on this, that we are not longer have each other. You are not for me!

Thank you for everything.

Thank you so much for loving me over 16 months. It was shaken my character, peacefulness and destroyed  fortress but it makes felt so happy during those days. I never regret that I have loved you.

I’m better now and thank you for letting me breathe.

How to say goodbye If I still love you?

I maybe happy somewhere even if I can't. I know I'm not that strong. Right now I'm not doing well in this relationship....Perhaps I dont know how to care and love. I know I am too clingy that drives away the person that I love most, it is my fault I admit. I was so investigative that drives the person to make him feel that he was suspected but the fact is that I was just too much interested on his whereabouts which leads me to at stake. I'm asking for forgiveness to the Lord almighty so to the person. But there are things that cannot be forgiven and forget easily I understand I know the feeling. Perhaps I am just a girl doesn't know what love is and wants to know what it is together with the person I love. He needs space. Perhaps the person I love wants to break up me with me. But I am not the kind of person who will give up easily if I know I still love him. I wont break up with him but if in case the person I love would ask for freedom, I will let him if thats what he wants. I love him but if he doesnt love me anymore I wont force him to love me. I may hate to see the one I love is happy with somebody, but I will surely hate it more to see that the one I love is unhappy with me. If he ask for freedom I may cry and crying but I'm still grateful somehow.

I wanted By Crescentlady

It is our 16th monthsary but I feel like writing this stuffs...

I wanted to be like you... to lie without a trace of remorse or guilt on the face as if I am telling the truth.

I wanted to be like you that there is someone who will believe me even he/she knows that I am lying.

I wanted to be like you that there is someone who trust me and tell me the truth and makes me feel that you are deserving with the truth as what I did to you.

I wanted to be like you.To get busy that you don't think of me sometimes. I wanted to treat you the way you treat me in your heart as what I am a "just" for you in your heart.

I wanted to be like you that there is someone who is badly love to see me everyday just to be with me and be happy kissing and hugging me as he love me so much.

I wanted to be like you that you are busy with your stuffs. To get busy and divert all my thoughts and focus not only of you and spend a lot of time with my friends instead to create happy moments together as we were in a relationship to marriage life.

And when the time will come that I get so busy, busy enough to think of you and perhaps even my feelings for you as what I have observe from you to me... I really wanted to become like you and be break even...

:(

"If you want that flower get it and take care of it but do not pick it up if you will just ruin it."

In this phrase if I am the flower? will I have the choice and chance to say "don't pick me up" where in fact I am just a vulnerable one, a dynamic creature that changes, grows, and needs attention to be nurtured. Who just wanted to be loved with truth , honesty, commitment, equality and respect.

The flower if it is poured with lies it will just eaten away at the relationship from the inside out by implanting seeds of distrust and uncertainty of the person who was lied to.

It is hard to be committed to someone who has shown you that you are not worthy of the truth.

Spying on My BF's Mobile Phone

My boyfriend slept in our house but in the couch. The reason why? It was already late, so he can hardly find a cab or jeepney to take a ride. He told me to wake him up at around 5am in the morning so I barrowed his mobile phone and set it for an alarm. I can’t sleep and I find myself so clickish on his phone. I scanned and read his sms in his inbox, outbox and even his sent sms. Aftre that, I don’t know if what comes on my mind when I get a colored oslo paper a coloured glue and made this one. I took myself a picture and set it as his wall paper.

When his phone alarmed I gave him back his phone without glancing on what I did. I texted him that “I did something on your phone, you can change the wallpaper after you got home.”. He just replied “Wow! What a nice wallpaper, I won’t change it, I am so glad you did this I was surprise. I can now be more motivated in the office because I have something to be viewed on. ”He thanked me. I never thought that he would react as happy.

Mana at Davao City

Last night that was a huge meal and party celebration with my family and relatives. We used to hang in every house of our Uncle and Aunties as what we usually do during Christmas. Gift giving and spending time together was a big impact to each and every one of us.

I want to burn the Fats that I have in my tummy. I ate lots of prawns and some foods that were rich in cholesterols. It was a cold silent night,i don't want to disturb my boyfriend who was staying in his house with is his family. So I phoned my friend and if we can hang around the metro. Unfortunately some of my friends were not be able to go with us. There is a particular park that we can see the dancing fountain, we took pictures and enjoying every moment we had by mingling at the same time. The next was we went to Mana Davao , it is a private sector who sell furnitures. They used to decorates lights outside their building and let the people take their pictures freely.

We availed the picture taking, it was like a vitamins in our eyes and all of our senses and cells were so active by then. We ate lots of chips and cake again. So we do defy the burning fat system but we do really have a great time.

Our Second Monthsary

Today is our second monthsary I decided to buy pillow for my honey. We both want to sleep together wholesomely, but we can’t do that of course! It can’t be it’s forbidden, crossing my values is a huge outlawed for me. So I bought him pillow so that he will be able to use it every night and something that represents me for him to hug.


He bought me a cute personalized sound musical miniature playhouse and it has frame with our picture together. Because he knows that I have trouble in sleeping at night and according to him this can be helpful when I listen to it. I agree with him I can actually sleep to it because of the sound that is so soft.

How we spend our 2nd monthsary? We went to church to pray and light candles. We went to mall and buy more gifts for my nieces. He also buy gift for his brother and sister. We bought some food for snacks and then go home. He helped me to wrap the gifts.

After those gifts wrapping, he needs to go home for the spending Christmas with his family. It’s my first Christmas to celebrate having boyfriend and an early gift for myself.